I am a happy, peaceful, full of love, blissful, pure,
knowledgeable and powerful soul.
Thoughts create feelings, feelings create attitude, attitude
creates perception, perception creates action (words or behavior) Actions which
are repeated create sanskars or habits. Package of sanskars or habits forms my personality which in turn shapes my future and is my destiny.
Therefore, I need to change my thoughts. To change my thoughts I need to know how my thoughts are created.
Thoughts are created by :-
i)
Information –
means taking inside everything including vibrations. This is first thing
we fill up in the morning. As is the information so is the thought.
Therefore, for pure thoughts I have to fill pure divine
knowledge/information first thing in the morning.
ii)
Past experience/information –
I create the same thoughts as I did in the past, when same stimulus
comes and the same thoughts are created and I make the past into our present
and future.
iii)
My belief system-
What I believe like “Tension is normal” “To get angry is natural” in
any situation – this becomes destiny.
Belief has to be changed to “peace is natural” “patience is
natural”
(Based
on Sister Shivani’s “Being Divine”
episodes on ‘Awakening with Brahmkumaris)
When I was a child My Dad was my love My Mom was my world My brother was my doll My sky was so blue My air was so pure My earth was so wide My trees were so green My parks were so big My Sun was so bright My Moon was so soothing My friends were so playful When I was a child My world was so true.
My kids have been a part of
many school trips and when they returned from their trips they would have lots
of stories to tell me. Hearing them I used to always wonder what it would be
like if I went on a trip with my school friends.
In 2010, the Internet
played a huge role in helping me reconnect with my friends from school. I had
entered my school details in one a website called namesdatabase.com. It was through
this site that one of my classmates, Arun Saksena, touched base with me. It was
a pleasant surprise to find that Arun was working in the same office building
and on the same floor. Meeting him after 37 years was a pleasure. He was the
one who found out everyone from our class and planned a school reunion in
Mar’2010 in Jodhpur. The reunion was a great success. For those who could not
travel to Jodhpur, a second reunion was planned and hosted by Sharad Bhansali
in Mar’2010 where once again we all had a wonderful time. We all kept in touch
and met on and off since then.
Earlier this year, Sharad created
a Whatsapp group and completely changed our lives. Now, we all are connected
day and night. Our Group Admin, Sharad, floated a brilliant idea for a trip to
Ranakpur in the first weekend of Aug’15, but this trip did not materialize due
to various reasons. However, Sharad & Jyoti, Arun Saksena & Vandana, Kandy
Anand and I met in Delhi for dinner in July, 2015. The idea of the trip was
discussed once again and Sharad took upon himself to again try and convince
everyone to take part through various hilarious messages on the Whatsapp group.
I was the first one to say yes as I was very eager to go on a trip that too
with my school friends. Deepak Singh Gehlot & Shyama, Arun Chordia & Anju,
Jyoti Prakash & Jyoti, Naranjan & Sanju, Jaswinder & Lati, Harjeet &
Gurusharan and Gurucharan and Neetu also agreed to be a part of the trip.
With Sharad at the helm of
arranging the trip to Ranakpur, the smaller details were taken care of with
help from each of our friends in Jodhpur. Sharad was kind enough to book my
tickets and I travelled with Sharad and Jyoti by train to Jodhpur on 21 Aug’15
evening. Even though Arun S could not accompany us on the trip he played a vital
role in ensuring that I was a part of the trip by getting my tickets to Jodhpur
confirmed. On 22nd Aug’15 at about 5 a.m. Arun Chordia received us
warmly at Jodhpur Railway Station. We reached Arun’s home where Anju was
waiting for us with breakfast and hot tea. I was lucky enough to have a nap for
half an hour or so before getting ready for our journey to Ranakpur by bus.
After the delicious breakfast we were driven by Deepak’s friend to Jyoti Prakash’s
showroom where the bus was waiting for us.
The enthusiasm with which
all of us boarded the bus would have brought many youngsters, especially our
kids, to shame. After boarding the bus Sharad, Jyoti and I were welcomed with bouquets
by our friends from Jodhpur. The journey started with chanting and Gurucharan
sang a beautiful shabad in his melodious voice. Sharad had taken over the
charge and managed to keep us entertained throughout the trip. Gurucharan,
Sharad, Deepak and Niranjan, with the help of Neetu and Sanju sang beautiful
songs and also fulfilled our every‘farmaish’.
At Rohat we had scrumptious and delicious ‘Kachori’ and ‘Mirchi Wada’ along with hot tea—courtesy Harjeet and Arun C.
Back on the road, we had a lot of fun with everyone sharing school anecdotes and stories. The singing was resumed and the merriment continued till we stopped for lunch at a resort on the way.
Following our lunch, we
drove for another half an hour to reach our destination—the Maharani Resort.
The property is simply amazing with lush green surroundings. The sounds of
birds chirping were a welcome change from the urban noise our ears are used to.
After a wonderful nap in
our respective rooms, we all assembled near the swimming pool for evening tea
and refreshments. We had a good time chatting and sharing our school memories.
Some of us shared college memories too.
In the evening at about 6:45
pm we re-assembled in the lawns for the party and dinner. Gurucharan, Neetu,
Sharad and Deepak started the show with karaoke songs and entertained us for
quite some time. The highlights of the evening were a number of games that Sharad
and Jyoti had prepared. Jaswinder and Lati won the first game, a game for
couples, with their beautiful answers about each other. In the second game for
the evening Sharad and Jyoti asked each one of us to describe our spouses by
singing a song. All of us enjoyed this game. Lati cajoled me to sing and thanks
to her, I sang a song for the first time in my life. I don’t know how I sang
but I enjoyed every bit of it. Sharad had come prepared very well. He had
brought a set of photos of celebrities and we had to recognize the
personalities by their eyes alone. In the next round of this game we had
recognize our school friends by their childhood photos. It was fun to see all
our friends when they were young children. Niranjan and Sanju danced on a medley
of old Hindi songs sung by Sharad, Gurucharan and Neetu. Soon Deepak and
Niranjan began to dance and gradually we all joined both of them.
A lavish Rajasthani spread
was arranged for our dinner. I was fascinated by the thick rotis made on a ‘mitti
ka tawa’. They were crispy and delicious. With our stomachs full and hearts
overflowing with joy after an exciting day and an even more exciting evening,
we called it a day.
I got up next day to a
beautiful morning with birds chirping near my room window. I made a short video
of the chirping birds. This was my way of bringing back a little piece of
Ranakpur with me.
Before heading for
breakfast we packed up our bags. We all gathered at the hall and had a fresh,
hot and delectable breakfast. Soon after filling up our tummies we began the journey
back home. On the way back, we stopped at ‘Haathi Nahar’ and witnessed
beautiful falls. Hope these photos do justice to the beauty of the place.
After the brief stopover we
went to the famous marble Jain Temple dedicated to the first Tirthankar Adinath
at Ranakpur. (Over 1444 marble pillars, carved in exquisite detail, support the
temple. The pillars are all differently carved and no two pillars are the same.
It is also said that it is impossible to count the pillars. Also all the
statues face one or the other statue. There is one beautiful carving made out
of a single marble rock where there are 108 heads of snakes and numerous tails.
One cannot find the end of the tails. The image faces all four cardinal
directions. In the axis of the main entrance, on the western side, is the
largest image. - source Wikipedia) The beauty of this temple has to be seen to
be believed.
Photo credit : Sharad
Bhansali
At the Temple Bhojnalaya,
which was very clean, we had food which was simple and tasty. I had my favourite
Gatte ki sabzi that afternoon.
After lunch we resumed with
the journey. A surprise awaited us. Sharad announced that an award function
would be conducted in the bus. The first award was given to Niranjan and Sanju
for making the best of efforts to join the trip. Both of them had to make a lot
of effort to change their earlier scheduled plans. Gurucharan and Neetu were
awarded for their fantastic singing. Jaswinder and Lati were given an award for
the couples’ game that they had won the night before. I was awarded for the
game of Eyesight that I had won. The award ceremony was another chance for us
to be enthralled with Sharad’s wit and humor. He was amply supported by Deepak,
Niranjan, Arun C and Harjeet.We were
approaching Jodhpur and the trip was coming to an end. Lati spoke on our behalf
when she thanked Sharad and Jyoti for all the preparations.
I think I write for
everyone when I say that these two days were among the
best two days of our lives. We all had forgotten our responsibilities, worries,
cares, ailments for the time we spent with each other. We all had forgotten
that we all were 58-59 years old. Those two days were totally carefree and
filled with joy.
Photo Credit : Sharmila Gaur (Sanju)
The trip will be cherished
by all of us throughout our lives.
Among the many turning points in my life, the most
recent and the major turning point was detection of Ovarian Cancer Stage III on
26 February 2011. The major challenge for me was to regain my lost strength—mental
and physical as well as emotional.
Doctors in Jaipur, where I had gone for treatment,
were taking care of restoring my physical strength. I had the responsibility of
restoring my mental and physical strength for my children. My son was appearing
for his 12th Board Exam and he had to stay back in New Delhi. My
daughter also had to stay back in Delhi due to her job though she would come
for chemotherapies and surgeries throughout my stay in Jaipur. Both my children
were undergoing a lot of trauma and pain because of my condition. The fear of
losing their mother was always there and this fear was manifolds as they had
lost their father 13 years ago. It was important for me to be mentally and
emotionally strong for them.
For most of my life I lived in a constant fear of
losing whatever I had. However, being diagnosed with cancer changed my
perspective totally. I suddenly became fearless. I started enjoying whatever I
was left with and took what life had to offer with a big smile.
Being in bed for six months in 2011, I had lot of
time to think about my life and my kids. As sleep eluded me I became a TV
addict. I started watching serials, non-stop, for hours on end. Fortunately,
after the initial high the addiction subsided I gradually realized that these
serials were not my cup of tea. Rather than watching the unrealistic saga that
the k-serials were churning, I decided to watch rom-coms on English and Hindi
channels. Apart from watching TV I prayed a lot. My prayers were always a
one-point agenda—keep me free from cancer and keep me healthy.
I joined office after staying away for six months. A
warm welcome by my boss and my colleagues greeted me. I had always enjoyed
working and coming to office and now I enjoyed the exercise even more. For as
long as I can remember my office was always a refuge for me. It always provided
me with the energy that I needed to face life. This time too my office gave me
the necessary support I needed to bounce back.
In October 2012 the doctors told me that the cancer
had relapsed and this time it had spread through out my body. All my prayers
seemed to have been in vain. This made me realize that no amount of prayer is
going to prevent whatever life has to offer. I have to face whatever comes my
way. It is better that I do it smilingly so that my children also learn to face
life with a broad smile and roaring laughter.
Over the years, I have developed new hobbies like
gardening, knitting, embroidery, drawing, art and craft. Writing is a recent venture.
I indulge in all these activities to keep my mind occupied so that I don’t find
enough time to think about my cancer.
One thing I have realized is that enjoying whatever
life throws at me, be it chemotherapies or the excruciating pain, makes the
journey easy. Being sad or miserable does not relieve the pain and life also
seems burdened with hardships. Laughing makes my world beautiful and ensures
that people who surround me return my smiles rather than giving me the look of
pity or sympathy. So my daughter and I prepare for chemotherapy as if I am going
for a picnic. She packs my favourite snacks, her favourite biscuits, enough
reading material for her to pass her time and my phone battery is fully charged
the night before so that I can Twitter for as long as I wish. I take this
enjoying business too far. Or so my daughter says when I tell her that I enjoy
the food served at the hospital. My children and I have evolved over the last
four years of our cancer journey. We now joke about cancer and laugh so loudly
that we have been scolded more than once by the hospital staff and have been
warned of maintaining silence.
It is difficult to decipher or explain, but for the
past four years I have seen only positive things happening in my life and
around me. Suddenly everything is bright and beautiful. Not that there has been
an absence of challenges or downfalls. However, when I look back only the good
times seem to fill the last four years.
One thing more, before I was diagnosed with cancer I
was just an insignificant woman struggling to live. No one gave me a second
look. Since being tagged as a cancer patient everyone treats me like a hero and
I must confess I enjoy every minute of it.
